So depressed today, my body killed my baby...

In my ongoing quest to learn more about Anen I was doing a general search on conditions that affect brain development in unborn babies and stumbled across this:

"Environmental hazards

Exposure to household chemicals or other toxins in the environment may also contribute to impairment of the central nervous system of a fetus. In 1994 and 1995, a greater than expected number of infants along the Rio Grande in Texas and Mexico were born with anencephaly. While the exact cause was not found, it is suspected that pollution in the environment was involved. It is probably wise for pregnant women to avoid pesticides (such as weed killers) and insecticides. Some household cleaning chemicals contain substances that are teratogens and these should be avoided also."
http://www.humanill nesses.com/ Behavioral- Health-A- Br/Birth- Defects-and- Brain-Developmen t.html

I did a search on teratogens and found a website (http://www. medterms. com/script/ main/art. asp?articlekey= 11315) that names androgens as a teratogen. This caught my attention since I have PCOS and it essentially puts a woman's hormones into chaos. So I did a search on "androgens and PCOS" and found a website (http://www. healthywomen. org/healthtopics /androgen) that says:

"Excess amounts of androgens can pose a problem, resulting in such "virilizing effects" as acne, hirsutism (excess hair growth in "inappropriate" places, like the chin or upper lip) and thinning hair. "

I have had adult acne for years as well chin hair since a few months after I got pregnant with my oldest...

After doing a search on the effects of PCOS in Anen, I found an unrelated website (http://www. ovarian-cysts- pcos.com/ news78.html# sec2) that says:

"And since so many of you are taking metformin (Glucophage) to treat your PCOS, we decided to re-explore the possible relationship between metformin and B12 problems.

Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be much interest in how vitamin B12 is affected by metformin, since there isn't much published research on this topic. But the research that exists indicates that people who take metformin have diminished B12 absorption and lower B12 levels.

To the extent that metformin makes it more difficult to absorb vitamin B12 from your food and reduces your vitamin B12 levels, you could develop a problem since B12 is so important for many functions in your body, including the creation of a healthy baby.

If you're on metformin therapy, consider supplemental vitamin B12. This would be especially appropriate if you are a vegetarian, since most dietary B12 comes from animal products. "

So, long story short add the excess androgens thanks to PCOS with the Metformin I was taking to treat my PCOS and Riley didn't have a chance... and I don't think any other child I have will have a chance either unless I get control of my PCOS (without metformin) and that's not possible...

'Life sucks' doesn't come close to explaining what I am feeling right now. I need to stop reading stuff. I just keep coming back to 'I*thought* I was doing everything right' but I guess it was out of my hands. Its so depressing.