May 2nd will make 2 years since we said goodbye to Riley. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. While my other children play I wonder what games he might have enjoyed. When I take pictures of our earth angels I wonder what he what he would have looked like. Everyday I miss him. The sting of loss is not what it once was but a dull ache has settled into part of my heart, the part that would have been filled by first smiles, "I love you Mommy"s and the joy of watching him grow up. Milestones and holidays seem to be the worst times. It is most at those times that I am reminded of what we are missing. Presents missing from beneath the Christmas tree (I wrote something this past Christmas that I will post when I find it). A birthday without the party, balloons, cake or the sound of laughter as kids play birthday games. Each major holiday and milestone we are forced to revisit the pain of our loss that it unique from day to day life.
I have been asked why I don't write about my earth angels and the joy they bring me. Simply put, this blog is not about them. I created this blog for two reasons: 1. A place to vent about our loss and the difficulties and, hopefully someday, share what I have leaned from a positive standpoint from the experience. 2. Anencephaly awareness. I may mention them from time to time but this blog isn't and never was about them.