Monday, April 26, 2010

So surreal...

Lately I find myself in an odd position. The angel-versary date of when lost Riley is looming ever so close, in fact its under a week away now. At the same time that we reflect on his loss I am looking forward to a new baby who could be here as early as a month later. Its so surreal to be remembering our loss one year ago and yet feel a new little one moving within me. I can't quite put into words the emotions I am feeling right now. Both sadness and excitement fill me at the same time. I find myself recalling our hello-goodbye day and tears will fall... then I see the crib, or the baby clothes I am sorting, or basically anything baby related and I feel hope for this little one. How can one feel such conflicting emotions at the same time? How is it possible to mourn a loss so deeply and yet still feel such joy and anticipation? I find this truly odd. The capacity of the human Psyche is an amazingly complicated thing....

I love you Riley, and I miss you so!

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