Monday, July 27, 2009
I miss the little things about being pregnant with him. I miss looking forward to bringing him home. I just miss HIM in general. I find myself singing to him, thinking about him, talking to him. Every single day I think of him, some days in fond memories some in painful ones. Some days I will think of him and get mad, thinking "I don't WANT to think about him, I WANT to still be pregnant!!". Still feel him moving within me. Still looking forward to the day we'd bring him home. To still have that feeling of hope for his future. Yet Riley was dealt a fatal hand and there is no future to hope for him. Sometimes I feel like my hopes and dreams died with him. Sometimes I know that it was only my dreams for him that died that day. I still find myself wondering what he would have looked like. Who he would have resembled. Wondering if he would have been a sports fan like his daddy or a book worm homebody like his mommy. All this questions I still ask and still have no answers for and sadly I never will.