About two weeks from today's date is when I was supposed to due. If he was still with us we would be counting the days, putting final touches on the nursery, and readying or son for becoming a big brother soon. September was supposed to be a month of excitement, and hello's instead its just another month just as every other month since we lost him. We should be packing our hospital bag with tiny cloths that make you ooo and ahhh and instead we are cleaning his urn and tending to his memorial garden.
Part of me can't wait until this year is over. 2009 has held little more than pain and disappointments for us, offered little more than empty arms and has been the worst year of our lives. January can't come soon enough.
I have been trying to think of something special we can do on Sept 13th to make it special, albeit no as special as we had hoped. Perhaps a tattoo, or the beginning of a family tradition. I am not yet sure what we will be but we will find something.